Sundays...Sundays just have this feeling that no other day of the week really does.
Ive always grown up with the mindset that Sunday is the Lazy Day!
But i NEVER have looked forward to sundays. Because it always meant it was the last day of the weekend, on most occasions, and i'd have to wait the whole rest of the week to relax again.
But as ive grown older Sundays never get to be my day to relax. My family has always usually been doing something, so it was like every other day.
But, today i got the feel of Sunday, for the most part.
I slept in until 1pm ish, i could have slept longer but i was being woken up. oh and i didn't even get home and to sleep until 3am...so i figure getting up at 1pm...isnt too bad. But i literally have spent the whole day in bed.
Its one of those days....i have them RARELY...but i do have them. I mean it's almost like being hungover. All i want to do is lay in bed...i just want to sleep. I think this partly goes to being so sleep deprived this past week, summer always gets my sleep mode messed up. But regardless, i finally got to just BE. I consider myself to be pretty lazy in the sense that i can be in my room all day and be fine, but this wasn't me being lazy...i just need to let my body rest. The only bad part is that im really irritable-more then usual. I just feel like the whole world wants to annoy me. All i want is peace and quiet and be able to relax but my mother dosnt seem to pity me in any way and always is nagging me about somethinggg. It gets to be very irritating, usually i can handle her up to some extent but today, i just can't. So over the hours i have gained a massive headache, which dosnt want to leave anytime soon. To sort of distract my mind, im not only doing this blog but im watching transformers. I was watching scorpion kind before, i believe, but it just ended. So now it's time for shia. I love these action movies, but i have to be in the mood, and luckily i am. Because ive been irritated me and my boyfriend got into a little arguement. Both of us are the type of person who demands to have the last word, so we never get anywhere. So i get to have that arguement just make my mood so much better. I mean im sure it's really me. I know it's probabley my fault that today has turned into such a horrible day. But i am not in the mood to deal with what i can normally handle. Like i said, my body just wants to relax and catch up and with all these things still going on, my mind is exploding. I think, A nice hot bubblybath is calling my name. I take baths all thee time, so its not like it's a special treat.
But Baths honestly can make you so much more relaxed. Im not quite sure what it is about them that makes you feel so much more better...i mean it's just a hot tub with water? but regardless, they are my savior. Ah im really not looking forward to tomorrow...I have to get up quite early-im getting my car repainted. And then im car less which means im stuck at home..which actually is not a bad thing...i love love love being home alone...it's just like freedom almost...well maybe not freedom but it's just a great escape for me.
An escape from everyone and everything. I dont have to answer to anyone, and im just on my own. I really don't like going out like i used to. That's since i got my license, i guess when i got my car and everything i could do whatever i wanted. But years ago, before my car, i wanted to go out all the time. But that's not me anymore...I rather stay home bundled up watching a movie then go out to the mall or go shopping. i used to contribute it to being lazy because my mom said that is what it was but no...not really its not. I just don't feel the need to go places that im fine without. Like when i go to the mall, i just end up buying stuff so if i dont go, i save money. Parties...usually i dont know half the people and i dont drink or do any drugs at parties because i refuse to drive and be under the influence. When i have gone to parties...it's only super fun for like an hour and then your over it...well at least that's what i was like.
I mean, there are times where i do want to go out and have fun, but i rather do things like bowling...or movies. I mean something that's easy going. Because i dont go out anymore like i used to i have lost some good friendships. But i dont think it was ever a friendship, a true one, if we had to go out all the time. I mean if i go to a friends, it's like i just want to chill and talk and catch up...not always go to a party. I guess for my age, well i know actually, im alot more mature. Im over the phases of being abnoxious and well immature. But my peers obviously dont see that, so im not seen as "cool" as them. At first i cared but ive gotten over it. I rather be responsible then stupid. I made mistakes in middle school when i was with the "cool" crowd, and since then ive become so much better. So im just fine being a nobody if im living healthier and better. I mean, honestly at school i have like 5 friends. It's horrible...but i dont like to waste time on these kids who are mean to other kids, who have to be slutty, and who have to match all these standreds. I tried to meet those but it's so fake. And i dont want to become the one thing i can't stand, fake people. Ive always felt like horrible about myself because i can be considered to have no friends, because a majoirty of my friends don't go to my school. It's all my fault that this happend though...because of what i did my freshmen year, but that's for my next blog. But as usual, i have gone off on tons of different topics. Basically what i am saying is today i finally have got the lazy sunday feeling. where all i want to do is relax and stay in bed. But as mentioned before, that bath sounds really good. So im going to go and take a bath and read a book. Im sure i'll be blogging again soon because i really want to share the story about what i did. I hope i can show others it's okay to not be "one of those cool kids". theres so much i have to offer because of my experiences and i finally have time to sit here and write these bajillion pages of my life. But trust me, i went through some really bad times, and im not happy i did but i am happy that i learned what i did and became such a strong person. Alot of my values and maturity has come from what happend to me over the course of my life. Its alot of stuff, and it's heart wrenching, brings tears to your eyes. But i really can't wait to start sharing it with everybody.
my next blog will be about the very beginning of my life...where most of the bad things occured. I hope you will read it. Hope you all had a great sunday. xoxo | 
